But then she learned that the other girls hadn’t waited to see if Kelsey made it safely inside. “The very notion of keeping something hidden can upset or unnerve, and cause them to experience feelings of guilt or worry and a sense of responsibility beyond their years. Similarly, moms Fiona M. and Amber N. say it's fine to keep a younger child's secret about wetting her pants or doing something else embarrassing at school, like falling. It is also a betrayal of trust and means a child might not confide any issues with you in the future. They don’t have to tell their parents, but they have to tell a school counselor or someone like that and get help — and make it clear that you’ll be checking back. I write about education for a living, I read parenting articles, even attend lectures. A few days later, she received a furious phone call from the girl’s mom. Throughout all of the seven books and eight films, Harry Potter fans have always been amazing at protecting the mysteries of the stories for newcomers to the series. Asking a child to keep a secret from one parent is asking the child to break his trust with that parent." Even though I hadn’t promised to keep the secret, I explained why I had to tell someone. A child or young person can be harmed emotionally or physically through the neglect of their basic needs. When you ask your child to break a promise to a friend, the results can be devastating. Despite their very real concerns about social backlash, our kids share these secrets with us because it’s too much for them to handle alone. This demand for secrecy is a sign of how worried the child is–and how anxious to have you involved. You … Is Beth hurt? Giving the right response is crucial — not least because of your legal duties regarding child protection and safeguarding. You want to be a safe person for your child to talk to, explains Annie Fox, parenting expert, author, and blogger providing online advice to tweens, teens, and parents. So I stumbled along asking questions, trying to stay calm. “Especially if she were in danger of alcohol poisoning or (if I was) wondering if someone slipped something else into her drink.”. However, it’s fairly rare that a child will come forward and simply state that they’re being neglected at home. Anything about people and their private areas should be secret. Be supportive. If they found the girl passed out on the stoop, Denise was prepared to tell her parents. Who did that leave? Get the GreatSchools newsletter - our best articles, worksheets and more delivered weekly. No matter how hard this might be, it actually negatively impacts the child or young person in … “Honey,” I responded gently, “I’m sorry, but I can’t promise that without knowing what it’s about.” She thought for a moment, and then decided to open up. I knew Beth’s parents, but not well enough to make this phone call. As impossible as it can sometimes seem to prepare for these situations, safeguarding and child protection training courses can help your staff develop a versatile set of skills to deal with such situations. Is Beth hurt? No matter the situation, it’s essential that you don’t tell the child or young person who has confided in you that you’ll keep it a secret for them. Dealing with incidents of physical abuse can be one of the most difficult scenarios to deal with as a teacher or school staff member. Has she told her parents? The following guidelines will help lessen the risk of causing … I was trying to determine if Beth was raped or if this was (horribly misguided) sexual experimentation. Our children may share these with us believing that, by extension, we are bound by their promises. Beth was seeing a therapist and my daughter knew the person’s name. what will u say as their teacher? Cases of life or death or serious harm are rare. Children who are abused are often threatened by the perpetrators to keep the abuse a secret. “Ask them why they should want to keep the secret and what is fun about sharing,” Dr. Lagges advises. Anyone who asks a child to keep a secret is asking the child to lie. Yes! It depends on what you know about the people and the child’s relationship with them. I cringed imagining how awkward it would be when we inevitably ran into each other at school. Denise never told Kelsey’s mother. (Do I need to list these? “It kind of made me never want to get involved again.”. Plus, you never know how parents will react. When one of her teenage daughters shared that a friend was talking about suicide, Colorado mom Lisa T. told her daughter they had an obligation to contact the school principal. My family jokes that she was born talking. In most cases, school counselors should be the first call, says Stephanie Rudolph, a therapist who has worked with teens for 15 years. ’ re legally required to investigate and move quickly in an emergency, such as when a friend says don. Can only tell you something if you betray that trust, you never how. Child says she can get a reputation for being a tattletale or snitch and might be.. My Christmas purchases a secret physically through the neglect of their basic needs them they. To get involved again. ” extension, we are bound by their promises “ the last you... ’ if a child asks you to keep a secret fill with her stories wise to know, then they can now about... 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